Articles | The Weekly Acorn
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Retirement Readiness
Part 3: Relationships
TA local CPA came home from the office one April 15th totally exhausted from 2½ months of 80 hour work weeks. He was both mentally and physically drained.
In a teasing voice, he asked his wife if she knew what he was going to do now that the busy season was over.
She took the bait and said, "No, I don't know. What are you going to do now?"
"Nothing!" exclaimed the accountant.
"Well, don't do it here!" warned Mrs. CPA.
The conversation replayed above shows the anxiety that can accompany a sudden change in the terms of a relationship. In this case, the wife who has gotten used to being alone in the house now suddenly has to vary her schedule to accommodate the company of another. It should have been a pleasant change, but the wife viewed it otherwise because it was so sudden. However, it shouldn't have been unexpected. After all, April 15th happens every year. So, what was the problem? Simply, it was a lack of planning. The couple should have anticipated the change and discussed what it meant for both of them, but they didn't. And what should have been a cause for celebration turned into it a source of marital tension.
The scenario described above is but a microcosm of what can happen in retirement. Relationships change, and those changes need to be taken into account if you want your retirement to get off to a good start.
The relationship with your significant other is not the only one to undergo change in the retirement years. There are other relationships that undergo alteration as you move from the world of work to the world of active retirement.
Once you retire, your relationships with your former colleagues change, and you need to accept that. Your life is now different from theirs. You are going to have other, different interests. Some things that you formerly had in common, such as your work experiences, will diminish and that will definitely alter how you interact with them. The common bond of work will be broken, and you need to prepare for how this will affect your friendships.
You may see former colleagues only occasionally. You will probably have to differentiate among all those people in your earlier life, growing closer and friendlier with some while letting others become a network of casual friends.
You have a better chance of remaining close with those folks with whom you share an interest outside of work. As you plan your retirement, identify those colleagues that you really want to remain close to, and try to develop bonds with them that are not completely dependent on your work environment.
Rather than lament the change in existing friendships, retirement is a time to look forward to making new friends as you create your new lifestyle. You will meet fascinating people and hopefully make rewarding new friends with whom you can share activities and experiences. Actually, people often make their very best friends late in life. Keep in mind there are many people who would love to know you. Reach out to them and invite them into your life.
An example of a friendship made later in life is that of Jamie and Darlene who met after each had retired. Jamie, an actuary, and Darlene, a college librarian, met on an escorted tour of Greece: Jamie to view the columns, the buildings and the ruins of Greek architecture, and Darlene to immerse herself in the phases of Greek history, the statues and the artifacts revealing the life of ancient times.
Jamie and Darlene became friends and after the tour ended decided to develop a richer relationship. Over the next six months each invited the other to his/her respective city and took turns playing host, touring everything of interest in architecture, art and history.
Then they decided to meet in places they both wanted to see and where they shared the sites and the learning. Since both enjoyed the food, wine and culture, their friendship allowed them to experience a depth and variety in their travels they might not have experienced alone.
They continue their relationship on the Internet and with regular phone calls to plan their next meeting. They have become great friends at a time in life when it is expected that making new friends is difficult. The Jamie and Darlene experience is true of many who find rich rewards in new relationships in their retirement years.
As you consider your retirement and the changes it will bring, it is important to recognize that a big part of the changes will be in your relationships. Those changes will not necessarily be bad or good in themselves, but they will be changes, nonetheless, and you need to prepare for them.
Remember, your retirement offers you a chance to design new and fulfilling relationships with others. Make the most of it.
Sincerely,
The Charter Oak Team
